DM: You now believe you are a tree.
Me: I attempt photosynthesis.
DM: Uh, OK. Give me a d20 roll.
(rolls a 20)
DM: … You heal 1 HP.
(I submitted an incorrect version of this one. My bad, this is correct.)
the professor asked me what benjamin franklins brothers name was and i panicked and said frank benjalin. i have never fucked up that hard in my entire life
the best pranks are the super harmless ones
like why would you pull someones pants down in public or like put them in danger or humiliate them when you can just baffle them by leaving tiny plastic camels all over their house or taping bill cosby’s face over every single face in every picture in their house?
Last year the seniors had a mariachi band follow the principle for 3 hours
someone should maybe take photoshop away from me
it’s so weird that we call our loved ones things that we eat
sugar… pumpkin… honey… baby…
12 people have deleted me as a contact because i wont stop changing my skype name